I'm a HOT MESS

No really, I am. On multiple levels.

I'm a hot mess because I'm a girl and I sweat a lot. By a lot, I mean that this discussion ACTUALLY happened last week between myself and the dapper Zachary Gilbert whilst sitting on the couch next to one another at Connection Group:

Zachary: Anna, are you cold? (we were sitting next to an open window)

Me: *snorts* um. no. I'm anything but cold.

Zachary: Really? Okay. *he looks kind of awkward and confused*

Me: Why, are you cold? If you're cold, we can shut the window.

Zachary: *confused look* I just thought you might be since you're wearing a sleeveless shirt.

Me: Oh no. I have rivers of sweat running down the backs of my arms right now.

Zachary: *laughs* Yeah right, good one.

Me: *serious face* no. really, I do.

Zachary: nahhh. You're fine! You do not!

Me: *passes Zachary a note I had written to give to one of the girls in my group once we finished discussion and prayer*

I have sweat dripping down the backs of my arms right now. The prescription strength girly version deodorant clearly isn't doing the trick. I think I need to switch to the guy version...what was it? Certain Dri?

Zachary: *starts laughing* Oh man. You WERE serious!

Me: *also laughing* yup, I'm a hot mess.

Isn't this true of all of us? We have things that haunt us at the most inconvenient times. For me, it's the fact that I get hot really easily. I sweat. It's awkward...especially in mixed company. I try to wear clothes that I can layer to combat the problem, or wear sleeveless shirts to prevent getting hot altogether. My temporary fix for the problem SEEMED perfect- no sleeves, no sweat!? It ended up helping to a point, then made things even worse. I couldn't hide the sweat. It had nowhere to go but out of my body. Isn't our sin like this? We can come up with temporary fixes like avoiding people, or starting a gossip session by saying "I don't want to say anything to slander anyone BUT..." or justifying away indiscretions by convincing ourselves it will only happen ONE MORE TIME.  We can seemingly hide our mess for a season, but it will come out in due time.

The Lord wants us to completely rid our lives of the junk. Not in our own strength, but in HIS. He wants us to depend on all that He is to define all that our lives ARE. No more clinging to partial solutions. No more peeping one toe out of the dark shadow of sin you're lurking and caught in. STEP INTO THE LIGHT! When we call sin SIN, we disarm Satan. We call our brothers and sisters in Christ to wage the battle against Satan with us. God's already leading the charge, but it sure is nice to have other people in the trenches too! 

So in the same way that I have to call my hot mess problem SWEAT and find the BEST SOLUTION possible (Certain Dri or some other miracle sweat sucker), I also have to call things like lust and jealousy and gossip and pride what they are: SIN. I have to combat them with the BEST SOLUTIONS available to me if I want any relief. The best solutions are confession to the Lord, heart-level repentance (an actual TURNING AWAY from the behavior or action and RUNNING TOWARD my Savior), confession to a sister in Christ, scripture (Philippians 4:8 has been HUGE for me), and constant prayer.

I'm a hot mess, but the Lord has me covered.

The Great Sin

I had a friend tell me that he immediately thought of me when he saw this clip. He thought I should go watch it.

Ouch.

I watch the video...I score pretty high on the pride test. As much as my spirit flinched when I was told this test brought me to mind, I knew I would fail any test on pride.

I don't want it to be an issue, but I know this is a huge struggle for me. 

CS Lewis has some great words about The Great Sin. 

So many aspects of my personality and mannerisms are competitive, full of debate, and intense. I know that I'm prideful. I get mad at myself when I start getting super competitive, then friends/family can tell I'm worked up and assume I'm even more into winning than normal (that's a big amount). It's a slippery slope. 

My biggest fear: embarrassment

Games I hate: charades, acting/singing in front of others unless it's worship music

My safety net: jokes or making fun of myself so no one else can first

At the core, my fears and my quirks are rooted in not wanting to look dumb. I want to appear put together. I don't want to feel stupid. If I truly believed and lived in the belief that Christ was all, the opinion of those around me wouldn't hold such merit in my everyday life.

As I study the humility of Christ, I see how far from that I am. I see that my pride is ugly. The core of me is utter depravity. I need Jesus more than ever. Oh that I would set my pride aside, humble myself, and ask God to do a mighty change in me. That I would recognize that my pride shames the Gospel. That the glory of God and wishing to honor Him with everything would be my motivation to surrender my great sin to the Lord. 

To be bold FOR JESUS. 

To win PEOPLE TO CHRIST. 

To seek attention FOR THE CROSS OF CHRIST.

Call me out. Help me wage war against myself.