Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My God Is Here

Late last week I was on the phone with my dad talking about the state of my heart and life. Just expressing my desire for more. My desire to come alive. My ache for something else. He prayed over me as the tears rolled, then we said our goodbyes. I was sitting in my little studio wondering: what now? Everything seemed trite. TV? Movie? Blogging?

Prayer. That's what. God told me to stop looking in the mirror and look to him.
I got out my macbook and started typing:

My God is good.
My God is faithful.
My God does not make mistakes.
My God is completely sovereign.
My God hears my cries.
My God created me with a distinct purpose.
My God is a great provider
My God is mighty.
My God is trustworthy.
My God has a sense of humor.
My God is an artist.
My God is just.
My God is the giver of all good things.
My God is the ultimate protector.
My God is creative.
My God does not abandon me.
My God designed laughter.
My God can count the stars.
My God is a phenomenal musician.
My God commands the sun to shine.
My God is unchanging.
My God is immortal.
My God pursues me.
My God hears the longings of my soul.

It's now Tuesday. 
I see that on Thursday night, My God was showing me his perfect timing. That Friday would be one of the hardest days I've had in a while, but I would get on a plane to Austin, Texas and see some of my very best friends in a weekend of JOY and LAUGHTER and PRAYER. He would delight my heart in letting me sing with the choir at the Austin Stone. Then Monday would come and I would lose my job, but my MOM was already planning to be in Chicago to pick me up from the airport coming back from Texas Sunday night. She could pray over me the night before since I knew the hard conversation and unknown was coming. She could do my laundry and clean my apartment to prepare it to show to potential subleasers while I handed in my key card and blackberry. She could hug me and help me pack then drive me home to map out what's next. The way He was preparing my heart and soul for the coming days/weeks/months in affirming that He has me covered and He knows ALL. The way His humor would light up my commute to work before I got let go by having the doorman of the building I walk by every day tell me HAPPY MONDAY over the loudspeaker. Then the way He would minister to me through that same doorman that asked me what happened and actually cared two hours later when I was walking by again and he knew I usually don't come home til evening. He was singing his song over me. He was whispering to the dark and quiet places of doubt "I AM HERE".

He is here, friends. REJOICE!  

Monday, November 15, 2010


I have not loved my job.
I no longer have said job.
I never thought I'd be 'let go' and leave SMILING!

Headed home to Iowa for a few weeks to decompress and ponder what's next for life. Leaning towards going back to school for middle school english education, high school guidance counseling or library science.

Pretty sure I'm done with Corporate America for a while. Ready to have my soul come alive again. I feel like skydiving/cliff jumping is my new hobby. Well, I guess this time around it's more being shoved out of the plane and figuring out the chute on the way down. Pray for clarity on which chute to pull?