My God Is Here

Late last week I was on the phone with my dad talking about the state of my heart and life. Just expressing my desire for more. My desire to come alive. My ache for something else. He prayed over me as the tears rolled, then we said our goodbyes. I was sitting in my little studio wondering: what now? Everything seemed trite. TV? Movie? Blogging?

Prayer. That's what. God told me to stop looking in the mirror and look to him.
I got out my macbook and started typing:

My God is good.

My God is faithful.

My God does not make mistakes.

My God is completely sovereign.

My God hears my cries.

My God created me with a distinct purpose.

My God is a great provider

My God is mighty.

My God is trustworthy.

My God has a sense of humor.

My God is an artist.

My God is just.

My God is the giver of all good things.

My God is the ultimate protector.

My God is creative.

My God does not abandon me.

My God designed laughter.

My God can count the stars.

My God is a phenomenal musician.

My God commands the sun to shine.

My God is unchanging.

My God is immortal.

My God pursues me.

My God hears the longings of my soul.

OH HOW HE LOVES ME!

It's now Tuesday. 
I see that on Thursday night, My God was showing me his perfect timing. That Friday would be one of the hardest days I've had in a while, but I would get on a plane to Austin, Texas and see some of my very best friends in a weekend of JOY and LAUGHTER and PRAYER. He would delight my heart in letting me sing with the choir at the Austin Stone. Then Monday would come and I would lose my job, but my MOM was already planning to be in Chicago to pick me up from the airport coming back from Texas Sunday night. She could pray over me the night before since I knew the hard conversation and unknown was coming. She could do my laundry and clean my apartment to prepare it to show to potential subleasers while I handed in my key card and blackberry. She could hug me and help me pack then drive me home to map out what's next. The way He was preparing my heart and soul for the coming days/weeks/months in affirming that He has me covered and He knows ALL. The way His humor would light up my commute to work before I got let go by having the doorman of the building I walk by every day tell me HAPPY MONDAY over the loudspeaker. Then the way He would minister to me through that same doorman that asked me what happened and actually cared two hours later when I was walking by again and he knew I usually don't come home til evening. He was singing his song over me. He was whispering to the dark and quiet places of doubt "I AM HERE".

He is here, friends. REJOICE!  

FREE

I have not loved my job.

I no longer have said job.

I never thought I'd be 'let go' and leave SMILING!

Headed home to Iowa for a few weeks to decompress and ponder what's next for life. Leaning towards going back to school for middle school english education, high school guidance counseling or library science.

Pretty sure I'm done with Corporate America for a while. Ready to have my soul come alive again. I feel like skydiving/cliff jumping is my new hobby. Well, I guess this time around it's more being shoved out of the plane and figuring out the chute on the way down. Pray for clarity on which chute to pull?

An update of sorts

I'm alive.

Broken, but hopeful. 

• Learning more daily about this large, bustling, and windy city. 
• Loving my new church Missio Dei and the community I'm growing in through it.
• Struggling to thrive at work. 
• Adoring fall and crunchy leaves.
• Baking all things pumpkin (Try this pumpkin bread -Add a tsp of vanilla and a tad more nutmeg)
• Enjoying being a regular at the farmer's market down the street -especially the flower vendor!
• Headed back for my second football game of the season at Purdue in a few weekends with my sister and her husband. Check out the seats/tickets Joel hooked us up for the last time I went back for a game!

Not bad, eh? 

Then even more recently, loved going up to Minneapolis to see one of my dearest friends get married. I got to be a part of their big day too. Their wedding was such an encouragement - It definitely pointed to Jesus and the hope that we can have in the covenant relationship with Christ. A few snapshots that the groom's cousin took with his iPhone during the pictures session. I kind of love them:

God is who He says He is. I'm so thankful for that. 

Yet again I find myself in a season where I don't know what's around the corner. HE DOES.

I don't know why I have stirrings in the deepest parts of my soul for something different. HE DOES. 

He is sovereign. He makes no mistakes. He loves me. He pursues me. He chose me. He leads me. 

 

I read a post from a friend's blog that resonated with me (enough to awake the sleeping blogger). You should really read the whole thing, but I thought I'd share the end:

When our lives are stripped of their good circumstances, we get to see God as He really is. When we’re bare and feel empty and alone and hurt, we have nowhere else to go but to Him. And He meets us when we go to Him. We get to see that He not only exists, but that He’ll listen to our cries and, somehow, provide comfort. This is when God increasingly becomes a friend. It’s mysterious and it’s tragic and it’s good. Because HE is good.

Awake my soul: the morning commute

A new aspect of my Chicago life is that I now have a 25-30 minute commute in the mornings and 30-40 minute commute in the evenings. Initially, I wasn't very excited about that idea. After only 4 days of the commute--I'm really starting to enjoy the time. My morning routine has already become somewhat therapeutic. I wake up, get ready, have my coffee pot on auto brew, drink my coffee and read a bit or watch the news, then head out. I pop in my ear buds with worship music and walk to the bus. Once onboard, I take out my bible or book and enjoy solitute (seemlingly) with my Savior. Then my lunch hour is kind of a follow up to whatever I read that morning--whether reading it again, or looking up cross references or mentions.  

I read this on the bus this morning in the Nature of God by Arthur Pink:

 "Well may the saint trust such a God! He is worthy of implicit confidence. Nothing is too hard for Him. If God were stinted in might and had a limit to His strength, we might well despair. But seeing that He is clothed with omnipotence, no prayer is too hard for Him to answer, no need to great for Him to supply, No passion too strong for Him to subdue, no temptation too powerful for Him to deliver from, no misery too deep for Him to relieve. ‘The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?’ (Psalm 27:1). “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen’ (Ephesians 3:20-21)"

Another from yesterday's ride:

"Here is solid comfort. Human nature cannot be relied upon; but God can! However unstable I may be, however fickle my friends may prove, God changes not. If He varied as we do, if He willed one thing today and another tomorrow, if He were controlled by caprice, who could confide in Him? But He is ever the same. His purpose is fixed, His will stable, His word is sure. Here then is a rock on which we may fix our feet, while the mighty torrent sweeps away everything around us. The permanence of God's character guarantees the fulfillment of His promises: "For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed: but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee" (Isaiah 54:10).

This book has already been such an encouragement to me. It is helping me to step back, fall on my knees and truly be in awe of the characteristics and attributes of God. In this time of change and new things and personal stretching at work-it is essential for me to remember that God is completely good and completely sovereign.

Psalm 31:15 "My times are in your hand"

Where's my parachute??

I'm laughing at the fact that I titled my last post "jump". I definitely feel like I jumped and am now in the free-fall stomach hurtling stage of horror that ensues. The water or pillow or parachute hasn't quite come into effect yet...but I'm confident that it will. 

I started my job two weeks ago. The job is insanely stressful and busy right now, but I think it will be good once I get going. This is the phase where I put my nose to the grind and work my tail off so I can reap the rewards down the road. I still don't feel like I live here...since I just moved into my apartment on Saturday morning. My parents came up from Ames with a U-Haul and my stuff to get me moved in. My sister came up from Lafayette to help as well. Stress levels were soaring all weekend (mostly coming from me-work, life and not being settled made me in to quite a pill). I'm so thankful for family that loves me unconditionally and wants to help even when I'm being impossible. 

I think I will love my apartment. It's tiny, but cozy. Initially I was pretty bummed when I saw the size of it--but once I got my stuff in, I really started to love it. It took us quite a bit of furniture shuffling to get the apartment to feel homey. Let's try moving the loveseat over THERE (that won't work. why are you suggesting that?), just TRUST me, TRY IT! With all of our ideas combined, we were able to get a great set up going. 

My biggest hope is that I can get plugged into community quickly. There are a ton of great churches around here--I just want to find the one that fits for this stage of life. I've tried one and am planning to try another new one next week. I think especially with the high stress of a new city and new job, community is essential.