I've recently become more and more aware that there's a certain amount of faith required to be a single woman in the conservative dating scene. As I chit chat with female friends who are in various stages of the scene -- we concur. Waiting stinks.
Don't get me wrong -- every female has an obligation to let a guy know that she'd be okay with him mayyybe asking her out. You know - that subtle hint that she's giving him the "green light". YET - there's the waiting. The meandering around and moving on with life while we wait for him to take notice or initiate or pursue. Waiting for the uncommon marvel: the "ask".
Scenario one - the green light the girl is attempting to give off is coming across as more LIME GREEN or NEON ORANGE and scary/needy to the guy - guy avoids. girl waits (and probably pines unhealthily).
Scenario two - the green light is marred by an awkward friend comment by one of the two parties involved, or even worse -- an outside party- guy avoids, girl waits or also avoids.
Scenario three - the green light is pleasantly ignored - the guy is not interested. The girl waits and then hopefully moves on (depending on the attachment level - this realization can take a while. What can I say - some females are very adept at dreaming and not so adept at facing reality).
Scenario four - the green light is acknowledged and the guy pursues - GUY ASKS GIRL OUT! WOOHOOOO! Girl is thrilled.
The Date (or hangout, or awkward encounter. FYI for the guys -- the girl wants a date. A real date. She wants you to preferably call (not facebook or tweet or text) and say - Hi _____(her name here). This is ______(guy's name here). I'm interested in getting to know you more and taking you out on a date. I thought we could go to_____(fill in activity). Would you be up for that? Can I pick you up? )
Moving on with the scenario:
- Scenario one - Date is super. She lets him know she had a great time. Maybe a text (mayybe). And she waits. Waits for him to lead out. Waits for him to follow up. Waits for him to signal that he also had a great time. She avoids being needy. Avoids getting too attached. WAITS.
- Scenario two - Date is so so, date is horrible, or date is just awkward. Start pattern again, don't pass go, don't collect a diamond, don't change your facebook relationship status. Consider joining a new online dating program to fill in the waiting or at least entertain yourself during the process.
The waiting is so hard. This reality of first and foremost - pursuing CHRIST. Resting in HIS pursuit. Finding intimacy in His word and His promises. All the while - knowing that you do want to someday be in a relationship. Sometimes pretending you don't care. Inside - you do. You want it, but you force the smile every time someone asks -- SOO are you SEEING ANYONE?! Or you politely say -- not currently! Or perhaps frighten them by saying you are browsing the inter webs for the next potential! Or even more boldly - nope, I'm up for blind dates, though!
Once the possibility arises and maybe a date has happened -- finding the balance between affirming this gent, yet letting him pursue. Trying to figure out the "code" of interest. Or do I just pay attention to movies like He's just not that into you? If he's interested -- I'll KNOW.
I hate the code. Screw the code. Waiting is hard.
BRAVO to the guys out there that are willing to risk. Willing to face the possibility of rejection. Willing to be one of the few single men that will genuinely ask a girl out on a real date. Not friend-card awkwardly sliding towards late night hangouts alone after group sessions. No - taking the time to plan, take her out, and get to know her intentionally. It means a ton. It shows her she has value. It sets a precedent for future beaus. So - yes. I see you out there. I applaud you. Keep it up.