Life Anew

New Kari Jobe album on repeat, Americano in my hand, bible open at Cafe Milo.

Especially loving this song lately:

I'm hyped up on my quiet time (and previously mentioned americano) and wanted to share what the Lord pressed upon my heart.

I started reading in Zephaniah tonight. Chapter 3 talks about the day of the Lord. How we can graze and lie down and not be afraid--because we are under the care of the Good Shepherd. The chapter goes on to sing praise. To give us reason to praise: Exult and rejoice with my whole heart because the Lord has taken away the judgments against me. The Lord is HERE (in my midst). Let not my hands grow weak. This is the third scripture that has referenced weak hands or weak knees over the past week that I have come across (others are Hebrews 12:12 and Isaiah 35:3). This continued season of waiting requires me to persevere. To trust in the strength of the Lord. He gives strength or purpose when I have none. His action, presence, plan and words give me reason to REJOICE. Reason to HOPE. Reason to TRUST. Reason for LIFE ITSELF. How can I not be overwhelmed? 

I started reading through cross references, which took me to Ezekiel 36.

I kept reading into the next chapter: (Ezekiel 37:1-14 ESV)

    The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry. And he said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord GOD, you know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD.”
    So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked, and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord GOD: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army.
    Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.’ Therefore prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will bring you into the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the LORD; I have spoken, and I will do it, declares the LORD.”

What is my  response when I see death? Or brokenness? Or despair? If God asked, Anna- Can these dry bones live? Or to paraphrase--Anna, what is possible here? Do I have the faith to respond in a positive manner?

They say: Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off

God says: Behold, I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will bring you into the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the Lord when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it. 

Death cannot hold back the King of the Universe. Depression cannot stop Him. Pain and brokenness don't scare Him away. He sees it. He breathes life into dry and dead bones. For HIS NAME'S SAKE. For HIS glory.

Tonight he breathed life anew into my Spirit. He beckoned me to believe that nothing is impossible with him. To see my life and the lives of others through HIS eyes. To believe in faith that He can breathe life into death. I pray this over my heart and over the hearts of the women in my life I know are struggling with depression. That we would believe God is who He says He is. That we would cling to Him. That we would depend on his strength to lift up our weary hands. To praise Him through His power that He gladly pours over us.

New and Old

I love new things. The thrill of a new year. A new book. A new Bible. A new phone. A new job. New clothes. New car smell. As much as newness is wonderful, there's also a comfort in tradition. In perfectly worn-in jeans, my favorite dog-eared books. It's kind of a paradox. Beauty in old and new.

I'm straddling the fence this January. I'm conflicted.

I'm brimming with excitement to move forward and celebrate landing a part-time job. To have 'arrived' and be starting the next phase. Or at least one step closer to the goal of full time employment with a company I'm excited about.

But then, I'm still living at home. I thought it would FEEL different to be employed. A little over a week into and I'm finding that not particularly to be true. I'm just more tired in the morning. The part of the day I used to sleep most of the way through is now occupied with data entry and marketing. I'm more engaged mentally/emotionally than I was as an unemployed person--but not FULLY engaged.

This post is kind of babbling. I guess what I can say is that I'm thankful for friends. For community. For newness and old melding into one life. A confusing and sometimes conflicted life, but it's MY life.  For deeper things than the new and old to live for.  And that I AM INDEED LIVING.

I was reading through the Valley of Vision this morning and was struck by this prayer. The first two lines gripped me:

O Lord,

Help me never to expect any happiness
from the world, but only in Thee.
Let me not think that I shall be more happy
       by living to myself,
    for I can only be happy if employed for Thee,
    and if I desire to live in this world
    only to do and suffer what Thou dost allot me.

Teach me that if I do not live a life that satisfies Thee,
       I shall not live a life that will satisfy myself.

Help me to desire the spirit and temper of angels
    who willingly come down to this lower world
       to perform Thy will,
    though their desires are heavenly,
    and not set in the least upon earthly things;
       then I shall be of that temper I ought to have.

Help me not to think of living to Thee
       in my own strength,
    but always to look and rely on Thee
       for assistance.

Teach me that there is no greater truth than this,
    that I can do nothing of myself.
Lord, this is the life that no unconverted man
       can live; yet it is an end that every godly soul
       presses after;

Let it be then my concern to devote myself
       and all to Thee.
Make me more fruitful and more spiritual,
    for barrenness is my daily affliction and load.
How precious is time, and how painful to see it fly
    with little done to good purpose!

I need Thy help:
O may my soul sensibly depend upon Thee
       for all sanctification,
    and every accomplishment of Thy purposes
       for me, for the world,
       and for Thy kingdom.

Oh LORD that this would be true! That I would let go all of expectations of fulfillment here. That my soul would sensibly depend on God for ALL SANCTIFICATION and joy. Why is my soul downcast? He's done it all. Completely and fully.