Iowa. Amish. Strangers. Corn. No Paycheck. Loneliness. Nausea.
Iowa. Family. Friends yet to be met. CORN! Funemployment, Communion with my Savior. Searing pain of missing friends.
I'm trying to change my view of the new normal that is my life. I didn't realize how numb I had become about leaving Austin until I was 5 minutes from my parent's house pulling off I-35 to Ames, Iowa. It was one of those trigger moments. I saw a silver impala and thought of my dear friends (one of them drives an impala). I ABSOLUTELY LOST IT. Well. I had my huge sunglasses on that kind of covered it, but the tears started rolling. My mom didn't notice until we were pulling into the neighborhood... she realized that my one word answers to her questions were not me in awe of my new home, but that I couldn't talk through the tears. What I've known for so long has been swapped: I knew Austin was far from Home. Now I realize just how far away my FRIENDS are. My Texas family. I'm living brady bunch style with my brother and his wife as well as my parents all in one big house. It's awesome, but I'm torn. I'm all over the place emotionally and keep crying. I try to retreat to my room to 'have a moment' only to find that the WHOLE (yes, ENTIRE) family migrated to my room to spend time with me. They have missed me like I've missed them. I have exactly what I've been wanting--my family to be closer, but I'm hurting. I want to be bouncing off the walls--but I'm not. I'm wishing I were in Texas to celebrate my friends' birthdays that are today and tomorrow. I'm watching the clock thinking that in an hour I would have been leaving for church at the Stone.
Would have. Past tense. New normal. *sigh*
I would hugely covet your prayers in the coming weeks as I seek the Lord and dig into jobs, insurance coverage, where I want to go, and what exactly I want to do with my life. And for God to use the brokenness that I'm experiencing for HIS glory.